33 weeks down, 7 to go until Baby Stewart is served with her eviction notice to evacuate my womb. And just when I thought, its cool Nicola, you’ve got this… BOOM!! Out of nowhere, the hormones have kicked in. We’ve all heard of hormones, but if I’m being totally honest, I always thought it was a bit of an excuse for feeling miserable and grumpy. I WAS WRONG!!! I can admit it. Hormones are real, and they catch you out when you least expect it. In a matter of minutes, I can switch from being a perfectly normal human, to a howling banshee or as mad at the world as Peter Capaldi in, ‘The Thick of It’. Go to Youtube and search ‘Malcolm Tucker’s Best Rants’… unless you are easily offended by bad language, in which case, don’t.
Last week, I truly realised the effect of hormones. I’d had a long, busy day at work and I was going for a meal with friends afterwards. I made it home in good time and pretty happy that I was going to have about 20 minutes to get ready, as opposed to the 5-minute turnaround I had expected. I pulled up at the security gates (I live on a military base), produced my ID and car pass, and the usually nice chap on the gate decided my car pass was invalid as its for a different base. The fact that I’ve been using it for almost a year, and that he has allowed me through the gate before was apparently completely irrelevant. I tried to reason with him that I’d turn the car around and go to the office to get a temporary pass, or if he would let me through I’d stop in the car park right by the gate. No, he made me wait until the traffic behind me was out of the way, and reverse back to the car park (I hate reversing, mostly because I’m rubbish at it). So, when I finally got parked, I got out of the car, slammed the door so hard I’m surprised its still attached, and stormed to reception all while screaming a number of expletives down the phone to my husband (If you’ve looked at the suggested video above, you’ll have an idea of what this looked like). By the time I got into the office, I was crying so much that you would have been forgiven for thinking I’d just lost a loved one. I cried all the way home, mascara running down my cheeks in a pattern that made me look like a long lost member of Kiss and by this point I was running late for dinner. Thankfully others were running behind schedule, and after a hug and a few kind words from my husband, I managed to pull myself together. Five minutes later and I’m back to my happy, normal human self like nothing had happened.
Since then, I’ve used the ‘invalid pass’ on multiple occasions with no drama at all, so yeah, he was just being a moron. It’s turned into a bit of a game when I come home now.
Hormones, my dear friends, you have a lot to answer for. You’ve proved you’re point, you can turn me into a stark raving lunatic in seconds. I will never question your existence ever again.